It's nights like these (it's actually 5am, but work with me, here lol) that come unexpectedly but sooo necessarily...which somehow never fail to re-energize me when I'm in a funk. It really doesn't take much. I feel like there are just certain people, and certain mixes of people that always seem to be the right formula for my emotional ruts, and I'm incredibly grateful to have found them. The healing process which they provide is something quick and hardly noticeable---I'm pretty quiet during the whole thing, with the exception of outbursts of laughter---but it feels so good. I just sit back and observe...and smile to myself, re-realizing that I've somehow stumbled upon gold. Stumble, I did...but I don't even care. In fact, I'm glad it was a struggle to get to this point because it makes it all that much more rewarding. It's like a to-the-victor-go-the-spoils kinda thing (in MY mind, at least haha)...and spoil me, you dooo you loveable bastards! Yet your friendship is just as powerfully humbling. I see a little something in each of you that I try to incorporate in my life, to better it. Sources of learning AND fun to hang out with?? Indeed!
Thank you. <3
How funny that this has struck me as LJ-worthy right smack dab on Thanksgiving. :P
- Mood:
grateful
No, I do not wish to smoke pot with you while watching the meteor shower at 1am--that's not "romantic" in the least. -_-
Umm, how many times are you going to tell me how much you wish I were "there" with you, wherever "there" is? I'm not, I am HERE, and how are you so positive that I'm dying to be where you are, anyway? Because you (yet, again) claim to be the best cuddler in the world? *sigh* You, and everyone else, buddy...
Compliments are great, and definitely appreciated, but there IS such a thing as too much. How many times are you going to tell me how "sexy" you think I am, or how much you like my eyes (plus, I'm not stupid--I know you've probably spewed this to other girls, as well)? It gets to be awkward, after a while, to hear such things about one's self.
If you've already told me you like me, and I've as-politely-as-possible "declined," please don't continue to try to get my attention (especially if I've declined because there's someone else in the picture, and I've told you this). I'm not interested! I'm sorry! lol >.<
Lastly, if I went to high school with you and you feel the need to say 'hi' because we haven't seen each other/ talked in 4 years, that's cool...but don't you think I'd find it a bit weird that you've acquired the habit of Facebook chatting with me, every day? It's like you wait to see when I'm online...it's kind of creepy. >.>
Don't get me wrong--they haven't ALL been this strange. The guys I've actually gone out with were really nice, and normal. lol Maybe they should spread the word amongst their fellow gentlemen, as to what to do and what NOT to do, when it comes to the womenz. Please do, good sirs. Remind them how easy it is to just be charming without being a weirdo--as you all were. :]
- Mood:
contemplative
- Mood:
enchanted
This is primarily what's been bothering me, lately, but there have been a bunch of other things floating around, too, that have added to the misery. I won't get into all of that, now, as those topics have long been discussed and reappearing. However, I will say that on top of being sad, I've been kind of touchy. I admit it. I feel like I have so much piled on me right now, that I'm actively angry towards the things weighing me down...and I am not typically an angry person. My birthday and birthday party were super fun, and I sincerely had a good time. All this crap started happening after that.
The anger I mentioned was wrongly projected upon my family and a certain friend, and I apologize for that. I would like to say one thing, though: If you know me well enough, and we communicate on a fairly regular basis, it's pretty easy to tell when something is bothering me. Assuming that I consider you to be a close friend, I would think that you'd at least feel some inclination to comfort me or support me---especially in THIS situation, for goodness sakes. Death is something that I haven't had to deal with, too often in my lifetime. This mourning thing is new to me, it's scary as shit, and I don't know what to do with myself. As I've told you, "Friend," I've been trying to avoid keeping to myself when I'm upset because the results are usually unpleasant. Instead, I've been utilizing the support of others whom I can turn to in a time of need. Now, everyone knows that there's no hardcopy of what "friendship" entails, but there is a general understanding that support and love are free. People should be there for each other because they want to. There's no obligation. AND I have to point this out---I'm sorry, but I can't get over a certain something you said to me, in the context of my being upset over a death:
"i dunno, i don't see why a friendship has to be this much work to keep up. no offense or anything"
Wow, seriously?? Offense taken. My childhood friend died. Did you not quite get that part? All I wanted was to hang out. I just wanted to spend time with you to get my mind off of things and get out of the house. Nothing elaborate. Is that really so much to ask of a friend?? If so, you need to let me know when you changed the rules, or took back all the times you promised me that you'd "always be there" for me. News flash: People don't say things like, "I'm here if you ever need anything" because it sounds cool. They mean it. If you were misinformed of that fact, I'm terribly sorry that you can't understand the true workings of a solid interpersonal relationship. Even moreso, I'm REALLY sorry that my friendship with you feels like too much work. I'm sorry that I'm not worth enough to you, anymore, that you're willing to "work" for our friendship...
...because being there for someone when they're going through a rough time is SO MUCH WORK, right??
It's clear that this whole thing is upsetting to me. It's very upsetting. When I wake up in the morning, I will probably have calmed down significantly. I just had to get this out. The truth is that I hope you can see where you were mistaken, accept it, and join me in moving on from this nonsense. I told you---I hate this crap. Can we please forget about it all, and can you please find it in your heart---and schedule---to be a supportive and comforting friend? That's all I want... :(
- Mood:
sad
nope.
02) What was your dream growing up?
to be a singer.
03) What talent do you wish you had?
I want to learn more types of dances...so I can expand my dancing repertoire haha
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
a Corona w/ lime; or a Tequila Sunrise if you felt like splurging ;]
05) Favorite vegetable?
artichoke
06) What was the last book you read?
Possible Side Effects, by Augusten Burroughs
07) What zodiac sign are you?
PISCES, baby! :D
08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
Chinese symbol for 'jade' on the small of my back
09) Worst Habit?
running late
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
If I know you, yeah
11) What is your favorite sport?
tennis, and horseback riding (I miss that shit)
12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?
I currently try to be pretty optimistic
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
uh...depends on who 'me' is
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
eh, we won't get into that :X
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
I like to eat Jell-O with a litte bit of milk
16) Do you have any pets?
yup; a dog, a cat, and two birds
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
it would probably make me very happy because I'm usually bored when I'm at home
18) What was your first impression of me?
of who??
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
neither; they're just weird.
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
nothing :] I'm happy with how I am, right now.
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
I can be both. It depends on the situation ;]
22) What color eyes do you have?
dark brown
23) Ever been arrested?
nope
24) Bottle or can soda?
bottle, 'cause that's what Ting comes in! :D
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
split it with some good friends
27) What's your favorite place to hang out at?
I can hang out anywhere, as long as I'm with cool people
28) Do you believe in ghosts?
somewhat
29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
sing!
30) Do you swear a lot?
actually...these days, yeah haha >.<
31) Biggest pet peeve?
when people are way too uptight
32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
hippie.
33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
hell yes.
34) Favourite and least favourite food?
looove Thai food, Indian, Mexican (esp. Chipotle!), Greek, sushi, Spanish, West-Indian, & seafood; I cannot eat liver.
35) Do you believe in God?
Eh, not in the 'traditional' way...I'm content with not knowing the reasoning behind my existance.
36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
Uh...do what you want, I don't care! haha
- Mood:
lazy
(From Saturday, November 15, 2008):
The past few months have been really strange...and ALL over the fucking place---literally, and figuratively. There are several areas in my life right now that I'm totally confused about, and perhaps a bit lost in...but surprisingly, I'm not freaking out. At this moment, anyway, I find myself to be fairly grounded and level-headed, and it's definitely a relief from the past while. I've really gotten a chance to slow things down---and part of that, honestly, has resulted from my weariness of this season's impact on my well-being. In putting on the breaks a little, I've definitely fallen below my own standards of myself in some aspects, and it has sucked. A lot. BUT, I've also been able to sit back and evaluate the things around me and my context within them...and in a non-judgemental way, which is usually hard for me to do. It's been nice, especially since I've had assistance from some favorite people of mine in dragging my Self from the unexplainable workings of my brain, to just enjoy things, moment-to-moment, like I used to. God, I miss the literal peace of mind that I have, right now. I still have/ have recently had my moments, when my ultra-sensitivity would kick me in the ass as if to say, "Hey Bitch! I'm back!"(*coughrockbandtournamentcough*)..
...Which brings me to my next point: I've learned A LOT. I've learned a shitload about myself, first of all. I mean, how could I not with all the shenanigans (yes, I just used the word, "shenanigans.") I've gotten myself into, lately? I expect a lot from myself; too much, sometimes. I've always been a bit of a perfectionist, but I was never really able to see what was wrong with that until most recently. I think that I worry so much about being perfect at certain things and being regarded by others in a certain way because I'm insecure about my capabilities. The things that I believe I'm good at, or that I appreciate about myself, are questioned sometimes...and as soon as I start questioning, I start moving towards the direction of ,"Oh shit, can I do anything right??" It's a scary feeling. Everyone wants to belong, somehow. It's a human tendency. I suppose this is my way of feeling like I belong somewhere…
(Continued, Tuesday, November 18, 2008):
…Point is, I’m working on it.
Most importantly, I feel generally good, lately…despite the occasional skrew-ups. Things that once seemed so important and so detrimental to current and future success, now don’t stress me out like they used to. It feels so good to be relaxed, again. :]
- Mood: peaceful
- Music:"Chop Suey" by SOAD, stuck in my head
- I went shopping :D
- OBAMA BECAME MY PRESIDENT!!! :D
- I got me a fresh box of celebratory Krispy Kremes :D
Technically, this was all yesterday, but whatev. All that matters is...
Bush: Don't let the doorknob hit'cha where the good lord split'cha...Stupeh. -_-
McCain: You got ooooowned, son!
Palin: Welp...thanks at least for the chuckle-worthy SNL skits, something else for us to look at other than wrinkly white male Republican crustiness, and for providing an easy last-minute Halloween costume choice for all the white brunette gals out there, this year. Yup, like a good bitch---at least we got something outta ya ;] haha...I kid.
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, OBAMA: May you be one of the greatest things this country will ever see. I can't wait to tell my kids about how I witnessed this historic moment, and how I felt while witnessing it---something I still can't find words for. I'm inspired by how humble, genuine, fearless, and fucking awesome you are! I feel incredibly honored to be represented by you, and to have my country's bad-rap-wrongs righted by your leadership. I have high hopes for you that I am content with relying on. Go'on wit'cho bad self!
...Oh, and btw my fellow kama'aina---me ke aloha pau ole! Pomaika'i! -Keike :]
- Mood: pleased
So, this was originally a response to Jessica's "Religious Rant" in her last entry, but it started to get so long as I was typing it that I decided to post it on my own journal (btw Jess, sorry for the long-ass response!). I'm so glad that Jessica brought up this topic 'cause it's something that I think is pretty interesting, and I love seeing what others' opinions on it are. If you've read Jessica's entry, and/ or have seen Bill Maher's Religulous, this'll make slightly more sense. haha:
"...we, as human beings, need something to believe in. I think it's 'cause we have this need to justify a lot of things about the world that we don't understand, and since we can only think to a certain point, all we have is to come up with our own comfy concepts that 'explain' life's mysteries. That is what (I think) religion is. I believe that religions are theories, in a sense, that different groups of people have come up with in order to make sense of things. It's a way of maintaining sanity. Now, whether or not any sort of truth can be applied to teachings of certain religions/ which relgions are more 'reliable'...that's all debateable, and will never be 'answered' among us.
I saw Religuous, and it's so much more different than how critics make it out to be. Bill Maher simply made a documentary about how extreme religion of all sorts can get, in assuming that its ways are the only ways, and that it has the answers to everything...and how all of this is creation by MAN, who are imperfect and unknowing--so how valid can such assumptions be? Also, I think that at least a large quantity of those critics may happen to be highly religious individuals who have been so brainwashed by their strict Faith-following upbringings, that they fail to realize the ridiculousness of the extremities within them...and therefore have been pissed off by Maher's approach, in the form of this film, to taking a look at something they feel the need to defend. Pissed off people = accusatory remarks that stretch the truth! I don't think Maher's out to attack anything or anyone. The guy's just having fun with this whole 'religion business.' haha
Anywho, I'm not really a religious person, either. This topic just really fascinates me on a level of analyzing human behavior/ thinking. For the record, I have nothing against any religion or belief. I think we're all entitled to believe what we want to believe in order to get through the days, as long as we don't lose our sense of self as a tiny (and quite possibly insignificant) component of the universe...and whatever else may be out there.
Haha I love this stuff...'cause NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE FUCK'S GOING ON! WHOO! Let us all be content with this fact! :] "
*additional comment: Perhaps Maher may have seemed to be 'narrow-minded' in his approach because he was trying to make a conscious effort to be as dettached as possible, in his exploration. It is difficult to analyze religions with a perfectly clean-slate-of-a mind, since the existance of religion, and some recognition of it, is a part of our worldly society. I'm sure it'd be easy for even a slight subconscious bias of some sort to creep into one's method of analyzation and viewpoint decision-making...maybe not necessarily stemming from a certain religion, but even from a small personal belief that has developed from a collection of past experiences and influences. Goodness, we're such complex beings, aren't we?! haha
- Mood:
philosophically adventurous - Music:The Planets, Op. 32: V. Saturn, the Bringer of Old Age-London Symphony Orchestra
Good times, everyone!
And forever immortalized on my shirt hahaha
- Mood:
amused
Hey guys...
I love to sing. :D
As if ya'll didn't know that, already.
Anywho, I've FINALLY achieved a little dream of mine, which was to record my own song. This was about a week ago...I'm STILL in shock that my 'weetle dweam' became a reality. haha I mean, I know it ain't a huge deal to a lot of people, but...it is to MEEE! And it makes me very HAPPYYY! And not to toot my own horn (ugh I hate that phrase), but I'm totally in love with my own song! TOOT-MUTHAFUCKIN-TOOT!
I suppose I'm tooting Aldo's horn, too [Aldo's likely response: "Oh yeah?"], 'cause he contributed his brilliance to my song and made it a beauty. :]
It's a rough recording, right now. It will likely be re-recorded---ya know---to be more perfect than it already is. ;]
*sigh* What joy music-making brings! I love every aspect of it...
...even if it includes PLASTIC INSTRUMENTS! Everyone, I hereby announce that if Rockband was a religion, I'd follow that shit. haha Btw, go see Religulous (in theatres now) if you haven't, yet.
So, yeah. I adore singing. If 'Singing' were a man, I'd make sweet, passionate love to him. :]
- Mood: yay!
- Music:2 minutes and 49 seconds of amazingness by me and Aldo!
That's What You Get
No sir, well I don't wanna be the blame, not anymore.
It's your turn, to take a seat; we're settling the final score.
And why do we like to hurt, so much?
I can't decide
You have made it harder just to go on
And why?
All the possibilities...
Well I was wrong
That's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa!
That's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa...
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating.
And that's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa.
I wonder, how am I supposed to feel when you're not here.
'Cause I burned every bridge I ever built when you were here.
I still try... holding onto silly things, I never learn.
Oh why? All the possibilities. I'm sure you've heard.
That's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa!
That's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa..
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating.
And that's what you get when you let your heart win. Whoa.
Pain, make your way to me. (to me)
And I'll always be just so inviting.
If I ever start to think straight,
This heart will start a riot in me,
Let's start... Start, hey!
Why do we like to hurt so much?
Oh why do we like to hurt so much?
That's what you get when you let your heart win!
Whoa...
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
I can't trust myself with anything but this,
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.
*Edit*
Ok, so that last song AND this song, as different as they are, BOTH summarize recent feelings...and this one makes me cry. One of the best songs to sing in the car, EVER. Youtube this one, too (there's no video, but ya just gotta listen to it):
We Are Broken
I am outside
And I've been waiting for the sun
With my wide eyes
I've seen worlds that don't belong
My mouth is dry with words I cannot verbalize
Tell me why we live like this
Keep me safe inside
Your arms like towers
Tower over me
Yeah
Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore
Our innocence
And oh, the promise we adored
Give us life again cause we just wanna be whole
Lock the doors
Cause I like to capture this voice
it came to me tonight
So everyone will have a choice
And under red lights
I'll show myself it wasn't forged
We're at war
We live like this
Keep me safe inside
Your arms like towers
Tower over me
Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore
Our innocence
And oh, the promise we adored
Give us life again cause we just wanna be whole
Tower over me
Tower over me
And I'll take the truth at any cost
Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore
Our innocence
And oh, the promise we adored
Give us life again cause we just wanna be whole
- Mood: pensive
- Music:"Misery Business" - Paramore
I feel like I'm back on a track of some sort. I think the fact that I've finally accepted that school's a-comin' 'round again has helped encourage me to start gettin shit done. Today feels like a good day for that.
I finally got together the shopping list of textbooks I need for this semester (which is quite long, btw...yikes), after my mom's been up my ass about it. haha I made up my little 'schedule-to-go' for the first few weeks of class, and holy shit--I have the best schedule EVER! Ya ready for this??
Mondays are packed with 4 classes, but that's ok because the first one isn't until NOON! haha Tuesday--NO CLASSES!!! :D Wednesdays consist of the same first two classes as Monday, a 3-hour break, and then an evening art-ish class from 7:20-10. But that's ok, folks, 'cause it's an awesome class! It's called "Cyberpunk." No joke. That's what my fucking class is called (go wikipedia that shit) O_O On Thursdays, I only have ONE class--and get this--that shit ain't until 7:20 pm, either! Again, I don't mind being in that class 'til 10 'cause it's just a lecture about art stuff...AND that class is done by Novemberrrr! Sooo, after Nov. 20th, I will have Thursdays completely to myself! :] ...which brings us to Friday (drum roll)..........now, if ya'll know me, you know my policy of avoiding having class on Fridays at all costs (so far, I've been that lucky in my college experience). Welp, I've done it again! Ladies and gentlemen, I've managed to do it again! So, this Fall semester of 2008, Tuesdays and Fridays are allllllll mine! Damn, I'm good...
We're getting birdies! My bro is getting two cordon bleu finches. They're sooo pretty! We've got the cage all set up and we've got all their goodies. The finches, themselves, should be making their debut either today, tomorrow, or Saturday. Hopefully, the cat can control herself... >.<
Today's To-Do's:
-begin Operation: Massive Room Clean-Up...I wanna get rid of sooo much crap, and I'm thinking of rearranging everything...I need a slightly more minimal look to encourage free-flowing thought and tranquility (sounds very feng-shui-ish, I know...but my room is Asian-themed, afterall)
-nap! I got up waaay too early, this morning.
-work out
-perhaps some writing
- Mood:
productive - Music:"Long Time" by Boston, stuck in my head...thanks a lot, Rockband!
That is all.
How old are you, again?
- Mood: pitying
Trust is an interesting concept, isn't it? They say trust must be earned. Even so, one can: a.) allow for someone to earn their trust, or
b.) simply forget about the would-be earner and any associated possibilities of being trusted. This is common, general stuff. It's based on observation and how I've learned that humans operate. I've never been one to really give a shit about concrete rules of behavior, especially in interpersonal relationships of any kind. I think we're all equipped enough to distinguish a good move from a big mistake...some of us just don't know how to listen to those natural gifts, very well.
Thing is, none of us are perfect. We're all bound to make mistakes, here and there. This is totally fine...as long as we recognize and accept that we've made mistakes---ESPECIALLY when we're trying to salvage a relationship by earning trust.
DUH.
And in case a certain someone is reading this, before you try and turn my own words against me...
Here's the game plan: I was giving you a chance to earn my trust back. You fucked up. Then you fucked up again. And again. And again...and so on, and so on. I should have cut you off after the first time you fucked up, but I was swayed by love. I also was too optimistic about you. THAT was my mistake. So, your efforts (hah, it sounds so pathetically pointless to even call them 'efforts') to change your ways, and make things better, and get me back, and get me to trust you again...aaall went down the drain. You could argue that I made some mistakes that betrayed your trust in me, most recently, but---quite frankly---I don't care. You see, I'm not the one who was trying to earn any trust. I don't need to prove anything to you. You can reject this all you want, but I've learned how manipulative you are. With that, I've learned that when you're feeling the pressure, the first thing you do is find something to blame on ME.
So, yeah, I told someone something I wasn't supposed to. But...you're gonna have to deal with it. Maybe if your little 'situation' hadn't happened, in the first place, you wouldn't have anything to worry about. Ever think about that, genius? Of course, not. You didn't THINK at all. You were too busy not listening to your 'natural gifts'.
I'm not responsible for helping you hide your messes. At least now, you see how hard it is to trust someone you think you know, right? See how much it sucks to be made a fool of by someone who you think has so much respect for you?
Welcome to only a fraction of the hell you've put me through.
- Mood:
I don't even know...
-I'm on a real Hendrix kick, lately
-I'm goin to the gym for the second time this week, in the morning :]
-...which will come in handy 'cause my new snack obsession is lightly pan-fried pita with olive oil, sea salt, & pepper OR hummus.
-INCUBUS fully supports Obama. Unnecessary but additional cool-points! :D
-I'm so fucking excited for the DC show tomorrow!!! Aaaaah!!!
-Relationship stuff's looking much less shitty
-Dancers inspire me..
-I think I wanna see Pineapple Express...but who else wants to see it??
-I'm looking forward to my welcome-back-to-America chipotle burrito on Saturday! mmm I've been cravin that shit since my plane landed! :P
Life's on cruise control, right now. I suppose it's pretty much all about riding out the summer until college time: take 3!
Fuck. I'm a junior. ew. Maybe I should think about a "plan" pretty soon? Hm. G'night!
- Mood:
sleepy - Music:America's Best Dance Crew! - MTV
How much forgiveness does a person deserve?
I've never been one to hold a grudge, but this is the first time I've encountered someone who has repeatedly skrewed up and torn me to shreds...so it makes sense to never associate with this person ever again, right? It would seem logical to disregard any chance of a healthy relationship with this individual from here on out...but that shit ain't easy.
I was afraid that I would never be able to let go, and then I ran away for a month. I came back, refreshed and at peace...only to face a still-rotting pit of a strange fruit. And it's kind of...inconvenient. I'm flattered to be missed, and yeah it feels good that I'm still physically appreciated, but maybe I should just be an unattainable fantasy right now? I know what I've got, and I know what you like, and what will you do if you have to live with that for a little bit? They say, patience is a virtue.
It would be so romantic to forgive and forget, but I've learned from my mistakes. I'm not stupid. If there really is any hope left for us, you need to show it to me. I've worked far too hard, already, for the both of us, with your well-being as a higher priority than mine. This is how I blinded myself from seeing what you were doing to me. You abused me. I lost a lot of trust in you. I lost respect for you. We already both know all of this...
My point is, if you're absolutely positive that you pure-heartedly want me back, for the right reasons, prove it to me. I'm letting you know that it's going to be a lot of work. Am I worth it? That is up to you.
- Mood: peaceful
- Music:"Viva La Vida" - Coldplay
Sooo on Saturday night, Erica, MK, Chris, and I went to this bar called La Costa for some cocktails. We all had 2 or 3, each. They were a bit pricey, but it was whatever 'cause we were out to celebrate the commencement of the educational portion of the trip. No more class! No more work! We were also out to pass around fliers for our art show taking place the next night. I ordered me a Sangria, which MK recommended to me. It was sooo good. Some of the best I've had. SO, because it was that magically delicious, I downed that shit. haha Time for drink #2! That, my friends, was a Tequila Sunrise and it was amazing. We all got some pretty kick-ass drinks, and passed 'em around to try each other's. Needless to say, this place knew how to do it right.
Next, we hit up our favorite of Skopelos' clubs, Amos. The door man like, knows us. hahaha He gets all excited when he sees us coming. Boyyy, did I bring it! I was so amped that night, and I had so much fun. The music was a nice combo of pumping European techno beats, and mixes of worldly-known American stuff--which was awesome, 'cause we got to sing along and of course every time something we knew came on, we'd be like, "Ooooh my God! That's my song!"
Chris and I drank these White-Russian-esque thingies that were oh-so-creamy and stupendous. He likes those kinds of drinks. Is it surprising that he downs Bailey's like it's water? haha
I danced with abouuut...six guys. In one night. In one club. I didn't even have to work for it! I just let out my inner ghetto-girl, and...well...let's just say that my milkshake brought all the boys to the yard. hahaha
Guy #6 was...um...a bit of a "Greek-freak," if you will. And I mean that in the good-freak way. No details, but I will say this: Guy #6 and I had a looot of fun--both in the club; and outside on the cobblestone steps, next to the club. >.<
Chris, MK, Erica, and I didn't get back to the apartments 'til 7:30 in the morning. The sun was up. haha
Sunday Night (last night) was the evening of the art show at the foundation. The show, itself, was pretty nicely put together, but a passing storm deterred some guests from showing up. No matter. The food was great, drinks were to be had, music blared, and everyone was in a good mood. Actually, everyone was probably in such a good mood because we all got plastered--and I mean us students and the professors/ other [older] adults. It was awesome, though. Everyone let loose and had a blast. After a glass of red wine, a Mythos, two tequila shots, and half of a Heinekin, I was straight-up wildin out with the rest of the crew on our makeshift dance floor. MK hooked her laptop up to the stereo system and we blasted every well-known hip-hop song she had in her iTunes library. We even had the older folk (we're talkin 50's-60's) and the two little girls (2 yr-old and 4 yr-old) dancing like there was no tomorrow. Funny how our posh little art show turned into a freak-a-lique dance party. People were naaaughtyyyy...
The show wrapped up, and everyone headed back to their rooms...but guess what, folks! The party wasn't over! Chris, Erica, MK, Brian, and I all took showers and freshened up for round 2 of dancing fun! We headed right on back to Amos--all except Brian, 'cause he was being a douche about some bartender chick he was puppy-crushing on. Our door-man friend was so thrilled to see us, he treated us to a round of free shots. We then decided to get some food before continuing our alcoholic intake, so we had some yummy stuffed crepes at this place down the street. Brian found us there, and joined us in going back to Amos. The crowd wasn't as great this time around, but we kept the fun going, anyway. I got my Carib with lemon from the bar, grabbed a place on the dance floor with my crew and these Greek boys we had befriended, and the merriment ensued.
This time, we managed to make it home before the sun came up (about 5:15).
Today, we cleared out the studio, packed up our pieces, and took group photos. I'm currently here, alone. It's weird now that it's so quiet. I'm gonna miss this studio.
Moreso, I'm gonna miss Skopelos. Today's our last day here. We leave for Athens early tomorrow morning. Poop. :(
- Mood: tired
- Music:various creatures chirping outside...and the cat complaining downstairs
Mark and I must have talked there on the floor for an hour. I felt so much better afterwards. There are good people, here.
The class had our final critique, and then we were DONE. Thank God. We all had the day off, today. Amanda, Chris, Brian, and I went to the beach earlier. I definitely got darker. haha And now I'm wearing all white and it looks fabulous! My hair is getting lighter, too. I gots me some lighter brown highlights!
Right now, I'm just chillin here in the studio, listening to some bangin music with Chris, Erica, and MK. It was originally just me and Chris, and we were havin a ball! We had Beyonce and shit blasting out the windows while we practiced our moves for the cluuub. Chris' moves are almost better than mine! That's one smooth-movin gay dude! haha
I can't wait to go out again and get my dance on!
My dreams last night weren't horrible like they have been. Insteeead, they were...um...let's just say I miss me some testosterone. >.<
Hm. Yeah. Cluuub... time to turn on the sexy! :D
- Mood:
energetic - Music:"Party People" - Nelly featuring Fergie
Love Hurts
"Love hurts...
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive.
Love sings,
When it transcends the bad things.
Have a heart and try me,
'cause without love I won't survive."
Can you guess where this is going? haha
Welp, I should have known that I wouldn't be able to run from certain thoughts so easily...especially with Greece being the romantic country it is, and couples being way more affectionate and sweet towards each other than back in the States...and hell, the whole atmosphere here is romantic. I actually went quite a while without the thoughts creeping into my head, which I'm proud of. Yesterday, however, a shitload of bad thoughts just sort of came in a big rush and I ended up having an anxiety attack on the kitchen floor of the art foundation here, right after a bit of a harsh work critique (thank goodness it wasn't too serious of an attack). The comments that Mark (one of the professors) gave had absolutely nothing to do with the thoughts, really...I guess I just became overwhelmed with the damn-I'm-a-failure feeling, and it all snowballed from there...remembering everything that's on hold back home, that I have to return to--the icky stuff. I also remembered how I almost backed out of this trip at the last minute--literally. I almost didn't go to the airport, after I had all my stuff packed and ready to go. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to handle myself. I felt too fragile to be leaving home for the other side of the world--on a frickin island, no less--and I was worried that I wouldn't be able to handle myself, alone like that, for 20 days.
But, here I am. And I know that I must accept the bad with the good. You can't really escape your problems with physical distance, 'cause your brain and heart go wherever your body does. BUT, a change of scenery and culture and circumstances definitely provide some sort of a vacation, and I am thankful for mine.
So, last night, after I got back to the apartments from class, I sat outside with my music and a glass of rum 'n coke and watched the ocean...and let my own waters run. I listened to every sad song I could find on my ipod that made sense for the moment and just let it all out. I decided that if I was going to cry sad tears on this trip, may as well squeeze 'em all out at once. So that's done.
I'm not gonna lie. As nice as everyone is, here...I still feel like a loner. But I suppose that this was to be expected. Hah, it even reflects in my art, apparently. At today's critique, Maria (drawing professor) was like, "It's very disturbing."
She liked it though. haha
Whatev, I guess you can't really surpress strong feelings when it comes to art-making. I kind of like my darker art, anyway.
Despite all of the above, I am determined to enjoy this experience, dammit! Yes, I will continue to longingly watch the cute Greek couples...and yes, I will wish I had someone to lay next to at night...yes, it sucks that I don't have a lover to share a bottle of wine with while watching the sea...and it hurts. But it kind of is a good hurt in a way, because, as Brandon Boyd so beautifully sings it: "it feels like I'm alive."
Maybe Brandon Boyd will pop on over to Skopelos for some non-ridiculous, un-spontaneous reason and really make me feel alive, if you know what I mean... *insert Aldo's Squidward laugh here* hahaha ;]
- Mood: contemplative
- Music:the wiiiind
I'm in paradise. True Heaven. I love Skopelos. Life is very simple here, and beautiful and natural. Everyone is friendly and layed back, and the overall feeling is just so tranquil. My classmates are all pretty cool.
I wish some of you guys could experience what I'm experiencing right now. I've fallen in love with this island.
I get to look out onto the sea every day, and soak up the Greecian sun, and make art...and drink. :]
We have art class, go to the beach all day, come back to class, go nap at the apartments 'til 1am, then get up and go out to the clubs to dance 'til the wee hours! Amazing.
Honestly, I don't think I can type any longer of a post to express how I feel right now. It's that awesome. That, and being at a computer isn't quite as appealing, here. It's nice to pull myself away from technology and all the things that make America so...complicated. This is only the second time I've been on the computer since I've been here.
And I've eaten NO junk food. Everything here is so fresh and delicious! No factory-processed crap here, thank ya very much! The tomatoes are so plump and rich here, you can eat them like apples. I can pick the sweetest peaches and plums off of the trees at the apartments, and eat them right then and there with no problems. We hand-wash laundry, here. We sit around and do nothing, and it's just as entertaining as anything else. We don't keep track of time. Time doesn't matter. We hike up and down this mountain every day. My legs look amazing. :]
What a place. I have ten more days, here. I kinda don't want to go home. At all.
I'm going to soak up as much of this place as I can!
- Mood: so chill
- Music:MK's itunes library
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